A WHISKER away from my first interview

The New Year has NOT got off to a good start. I had HEARD in the trade press (London Lite) that there will be MORE jobs in the New Year. Well, I can TELL you, this is an UTTER lie. Even the MOST easy-going (me lol) people lose their rag EVENTUALLY (NB this is 84 - EIGHTY FOUR - jobs I have now been OVERqualified for, but FAILED to get an interview for.)


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009 08:53:18 +0000

Dear Deputy,

I am a VERY experienced gym manager. I CAN swim, vwe etc.

Is the post still open?

Let me know; either way,

Julian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009 09:53
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager



ANY NEWS?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009 10:15:47 +0000


Morning Julian,



We have already short listed for interviews for the Fitness Managers post, I will keep your e-mail on file in case we are un successful with the current candidates.



Have a great New Year!

Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: Clive Scott
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager



How can I have a 'great' New Year when YOU have just TOTALLY shafted me?

It's people like you who are CAUSING the unemployment rate to soar.

Thanks; for nothing,

Julian



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009


Dear Julian,

As previously explained we have already short listed for this post, so I don’t know how you have been “shafted”. Secondly as you have noticed we are in the process of employing so in response to your comment “It's people like you who are CAUSING the unemployment rate to soar” does not make sense.

I would suggest that if you are having any problems finding employment reevaluate your CV, interview techniques and your own skills & qualifications.

I wish you good luck in the New Year in finding a suitable role.

Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Dear Deputy,

How DARE you write back to me in such a patronising manner. You haven't even SEEN my CV or interviewed me YET so you are in NO position to give ANY opinion about them. I find your attitude VERY unprofessional. Perhaps if YOU applied YOURself in a more business-like manner then you would be more than just DEPUTY manager.

Now, let me know by 3pm today when you want to interview me or I'll tell your manager about your insults.

Makes me sick,

Julian


From: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
CC: clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009


Dear Julian,


At 3pm please phone Mark Watson regional General Manager on 020 **** **** at our ******* Club. I have copied him in on this e-mail.



Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: Clive Scott
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Dear Mark,

Please confirm ASAP if the call at 3pm is an interview or not. I will need to prepare in the next 5 minutes if so.

On a different note, I am sorry that your junior deputy/Scott was so unprofessional about this whole matter. I look forward to working with ***** and making us all a LOT of money.

I look forward to hearing from you ahead of 3pm. IF this is an interview, it would be more convenient if I could reverse the charges. Please confirm in your reply.

Julian.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Mark, any news?



RE: Health Club Manager‏
From: Clive Scott @ Gold's Gym (deputy@*****gym.co.uk)
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: 'Julian Meteor' (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)


Dear Julian,

There shall be no interview.


Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Clive Scott @ ***** Gym [mailto:deputy@*****gym.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: han.clubmanager@goldsgym.co.uk
Subject: FW: Health Club Manager

RE: Health Club Manager‏
From: clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
You may not know this sender.Mark as safe|Mark as unsafe
Sent: 29 December 2008 14:19:55
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Cc: 'Clive Scott @ ***** Gym' (deputy@*****gym.co.uk)

Julian

Contact number for yourself please.

Mark Watson
Regional General Manager



From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009


Scott,

First of all you actively encourage me to apply for the position of General Manager of your gyms so I send an email. Then you give me a load of rubbish about me not making the shortlist BEFORE the deadline has even expired. Then your half-wit deputy tells me to phone you for what ANYONE would have thought would have been an interview. Now you are telling me there will be NO interview anyway. Why on earth are you intent on WASTING MY TIME? Why did your Deputy tell me to call you when he probably KNEW that there wouldn't be an interview.

I tell you something, I am justifiably PISSED OFF and I DEMAND an explanation. I tell you what, this would NOT have happened with Fitness First.

Have you got a position or NOT?

I tell you, this is impossible.

Please let me know; either way.

Julian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk; clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Mark - I sent this to Scott by mistake. Apologies.

I think you will now understand WHY I am so pissed off.

What a farce!! Please let me have an explanation!!!

JM


RE: Health Club Manager‏
From: clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: 'Julian Meteor' (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk); 'Clive Scott' (deputy@*****gym.co.uk)


Julian

I have forwarded your emails on to Ealing Police Station and I will actively pursue you for harrassment.

I would suggest the reason you have got no further than a Fitness Manager is because you are utterly useless and incapable of communication.

Do not contact any employee of ***** Gym or enter any ***** Gym - any further communication will be sent to the Police and you should be aware that we are tracking your IP address through our IT department.


Mark Watson
Regional General Manager

***ENDS***

I was on RADIO 1!!!!!

I was TOTALLY on the radio yesterday!!!!
Click here and I am on after EXACTLY 42 mins 11 seconds.

I went out AFTERwards and my voice got recognised by COUNTLESS honeys in the pub.
NATURALLY the BEST looking one is STILL in my bed(sit).

I am WARMING to London. You JUST need the breaks!!!!!! lmao

My FAMOUS Grandfather

A FEW people in London have been asking me why I wear a Plymouth Argyle shirt.
Others ask why I wear it every day (apart from job interviews lol... but I am YET to have one).

I PREFER to be humble about it, but the REASON is that my Grandfather, Bill Strauss USED to play for them (1946-1953). He was a RAMPAGING winger and a TOTAL player with the local honeys. No prizes for guessing where I got it from then!!!!!! lol
Nan was TOTALLY smitten with him, but she soon learnt he wasn't one for settling down.
There is a RUMOUR in Plymouth that Britney Spears' latest single was inspired by him!!!!! But I think that's romantic bollocks. She is DEFO referring to me!!!!!

I USED to like David Beckham

Went to the Beckam Academy in East London with the Argyle Supporters for a kick about the other day. What a WASTE of fucking time. Nice place and all, but they were SO unhelpful after I left my top there.
See for yourselves if you don't believe me.

My advice: GLUE your clothing on if you ARE going to go there, cos they will DENY they have it if you leave it there.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009 09:33
To: rdavies@thedavidbeckhamacademy.co.uk
Subject: Beckam Academy


Hi Robster!!! I was at your complex the other day and i think I lost a tracksuit top.
It was Adidas, and had three stripes (black) down the sleeves.

I left in a hurry (got a call from an ex - hotty!!! lol I was out of there in a shot!!!!!) so probs left it in the changing room

Can you let me know if youve seen it???? ; either way,

J

PS hows the love life?????????? I am on FIRE!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 10:46:42 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk


Hello Julian ,

What event did you play in ?

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 11:32:56 +0000

'sup Rob,

Thanks at ya for getting back to me.

I was at the Street League 5-a-side tournament in December (sorry, a few weeks back NOT last week as previously mentioned) - got muddled. Probably the MASSIVE amount of beer consumed last night!! LOL!!!! (ps - I have to stop there, you should have seen the state of the bird I woke up with!! MOOOOOSEEEE ALERT!!!! LMAO!). 'Nage.

Anyway, if it does turn up, please can you let me know, EITHER WAY.

Thanks

Big Jules


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009 12:19
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy


Found it?


Subject: FW: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 12:32:45 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk



sorry, from the email you sent , I presumed it meant that you had found it.

I've checked with our lost property and their is nothing there.

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 12:48:04 +0000

Don't know why I fucking bother.

From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009 14:03
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy


Any news?

I really need it for an interview-cum-date (make of that what you will lol) tonight

Let me know; etc

Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 14:05:38 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk

As i told you this morning we do not have it.

The date you lost it was the 20th December , it has taken you a long time to realise it was gone .

Regards

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy


Add me on facebook, then I can show you what it looks like


Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
CC: justin.regis@fiveaside.co.uk


I am not on facebook and I have had a good look in lost property and there is nothing Adidas in there.

I also spoke to Justin from the event you played in and he hasn't found it either.

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********

From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: justin.regis@fiveaside.co.uk"
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 16:22:13 +0000

Yo yo J-Man!!!

LOL!!!!! He is SO moody !!!! It's like 'take a chill pill' !!!!! I mean, it's ONLY a tracky top, stop going ON about it!!!!!!!

How are you man???


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: dbeckham@thedavidbeckhamacademy.co.uk
CC: rdavies@thedavidbeckhamacademy.co.uk; justin.regis@fiveaside.co.uk
Subject: URGENT - MISSING TRACKSUIT TOP
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 17:47:34 +0000

Dear Beckham,

Sorry to trouble you, but desperation has led me to contact you directly and Rob said you MAY be able to help.

On a recent visit to your academy I lost a white adidas top which YOU YOURSELF have signed. It has THREE stripes down EACH sleeve.

It is DEFO in the academy, as I got home the next morning and I was only wearing a t-shirt (NOT an adidas one, hope you don't mind). Where was I between then and the following morning hear you ask?
I met a girl. The top would NOT have fitted her so why would SHE steal it? Anyway I am 1000% it is in your complex and I need it back asap ( actually needed it for an interview I had this afternoon, but it's too late now. And I didn't get the job - coincidence? I do not think so)

I really hope you can help me, even though I don't support ANY team you have EVER played for (unless you have played for Plymouth Argyle?), but I respect you,

Please can you let me know; either way - you may even have picked it up thinking it was yours? Check the washing instructions, it has "Carlton Brown" sewn on a name badge there.

Thanks a mill,

J

***No Reply***

VOTE FOR ME!!! lol

It has been BROUGHT to my attention (thanks to my online bezzie the Scaryduck) that there are awards for blogging.

PLEASE take the time to vote for me. Whilst there ISN'T an appropriate category for me (Best Shag for HONEYS LOL, Best Hair? LOUDEST guffs? Best Blog by an Argyle Fan?), Spencer said that my blog SOMEtimes makes him lol, HAS made him rofl and OCCASIONALLY makes him lhao (all this DESPITE some of the LESS happy times I have written about, like my DREADFUL bad luck in finding employment since the crunch).

So, in order to help me get EVEN more sex when I become famous and MAYBE an interview on Wogan (is Wogan still ON?), PLEASE vote for me in the Most Humourous Weblog section.
Here is the link:
http://2009.bloggies.com/

IF I win AND get sex as a result I PROMISE to film it and post it as a youtube blog the MOMENT I've finished (even if SHE hasn't pmsl)

Wiping out the competition

Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 11:22:10 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer


Hi Gerry,

I see you are looking to join a band AS A DRUMMER, on MY patch.

May I suggest you HANG back until I have found one. I have CLEARLY been looking for longer and YOU can't just come in and spoil the party.

That is NOT how the music industry works. You will give yourself a VERY bad name.

Let me know; either way,

Julian



Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 12:38:35 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer


dont just go around telling people you dont no what to do theres plenty of bands in london looking for drummers do why dont you open your eyes and fuking look instead of pointing the finger around


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 13:22:10 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?

Look, I'm just trying to earn an HONEST living.

People like you are the REASON we're in a credit crunch.

Disgusting attitude.


Julian


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 13:43:58 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer



WAHT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT YOU DICK IM LOOKING FOR A BAND NOT TO TAKE PPLS JOBS AWAY. WAT A PRICK MATE.


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 15:30:51 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer

WTF??????

M.A.N.N.E.R.S. mate!!!!!! lol

Look, I do NOT know why you are BEING like this, but it's NOT acceptable, ok?

I BET you love owls.

Julian


Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:02:11 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer



LOOK PRICK IM NOT A FUKING FOOL STOP TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOUR SOME BIG MAN WHO KNOWS PPL IN THE INDUSTRY BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE SOMEWERE ALREDY NOT LOOKING ON GUMTREE FOR A BAND YOU TWAT

IF YOUR SUCH A BIG MAN THEN YOU WOULD MEET ME AND TRY GET COCKY TO MY FACE DICK HEAD.


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 17:02:22 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer


Now LOOK here Gary,

JUST WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE USING CAPITALS AT ME?

Fuck me, if you so even as come NEAR me I'll knock your block off you big gay.

FOR THE RECORD - I am NOT going to put my cock in your face so you can stop dreaming about that NOW ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 17:11:50 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer

O REALY WELL FUKING TELL ME WERE AND WEN TO MEET YOU U FUKING BENDER AND ILL SMASH THE SHIT OUT OF YOU U STUPID DICK FACE GOOD LUCK WITH THE WHOLE FINDING A BAND PPL DNT TEND TO TAKE ON LIL COCK SUCKERS LMAO GET A LIFE YOUR NOT GOING ANYWERE PUSSY.


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: RE: Drummer
Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 17:36:01 +0000

I have JUST had a date cancelled so I can meet you TONIGHT. I am in NW London but CAN travel (VWE etc).

Let me know (either way) where (the FUCK) to meet you. Let's say 9pm.

You are GOING down.

***FYI readers, I FINISHED him with a well-known move)***

The GREATEST Pub Game?

Sorry for not writing in AGES, but I've had things to see and people to do!!!!!! rofl
Ever been in a cock-heavy pub, pissed, bored with NO board games handy?
Well, over the festive period, I was introduced to THE best pub game that requires NO props. It's called 'Cock or Ball' and I am the WORLD champion lol.
I was with Spencer, Jally and a few GRIM birds I did NOT want to sleep with (one called Wendy who was THE strangest looking thing I ave EVER seen) and we were looking for amusement. Then, out of NOwhere Jally introduced us to a game he used to play in France called something like 'La Gonade ou la Kekette'. Spencer then mentioned that it already existed in England and was often played by "juveniles" (whatever THEY are lol) but I could DEFO tell he was jealous when Jally and I got down to sudden death in our ensuing game.
Incidentally I won the VERY tense encounter and my prize was TEN free peanut throws at BOTH of Jally's danglies!!!!! I LOVE cock or ball!!!!! lmao

PS Wendy wasn't THAT bad in bed either.