Honeys Drought

I am VERY worried. The above graph speaks for itSELF.
I am not SO sad that I graph my sexual statistics ALL the time; in fact I don't EVEN like to talk about them, but my ALARMING slump in form (which SEEMS to stem from the loss of confidence since some NASTY people have started writing negative comments on my blog posts) has prompted me to go into my black book of conquests and check if this is not JUST a perception problem.
Sadly, as is PROVEN above, I SEEM to be in a slump.

Any tips* on how to turn this around are MUCH appreciated.

*I am NOT cutting my hair before you ask lol (Samson)

Weather Report

I can confirm there are EXACTLY six inches of snow!!!!!!!!!
lol

Don't ask me how I know, but I got a LOT of strange looks when I was testing it this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PMSL

My New Gym

One thing I have noticed about London, apart from the fact that it is a MYTH that it's easy to get a job, is that people round here are JUST as capable of doing dumb things.
My NEW gym, where I have been spending a LOT of my time lately emailed ALL its members on Wednesday about some sort of offer. Even I know that when you email LOTS of people, you do NOT use CC!!!!!!! lol
Once again, I have changed ALL addresses and names etc to protect the innocent (whatever THAT means!!!! lol)

-----Original Message-----
From: Brian Simpson"
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:20
To: Cc: ***Approx 500 emails Removed***
Subject: Permanent Locker Offer

Dear Member,

We hope you are enjoying your membership with us here at Super Sports.
If you have been in the club in the last few months you will have noticed that we recently added more lockers to the changing room area and outside the studio. This is ideal if you are using the club during the week and fed up of carrying your training kit to and from work or maybe you want to cycle to the club in the morning and get ready for work at the club. We have limited availability left on the lockers that are available to hire on a permanent basis and wanted to offer you the chance to purchase a Locker for £15 per month. If you wish to take up this offer then please drop me an email or alternatively speak to our reception team, but be quick as we are looking to close the list on Locker hire at the end of January.

Hope to see you in the club soon


Healthy Regards

Brian

Assistant Manager

Super Sports

1-6 ****** Row EC2A 3HH

Tel: 020 ******* | Fax: 020 *******

w | ************.co.uk

-----Original Message-----
From: Gordon Muller [mailto:gordonmuller@theinsertfarm.com]
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:21
To: Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses Removed***
Subject: Re: Permanent Locker Offer


GREAT so even fewer lockers available for when most of us come to train at lunch time...


From: john.collins@cdhconsulting.co.uk
Sent: 27 January 2008 10:22
To: Gordon Muller; Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses removed***
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


And generally most other times…


From: Sandra Roberts [mailto:sandra@jrbmarketing.com]
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:23
To: John Collins; Gordon Muller; Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses removed***
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


WHY THE MASS MAIL???
HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF BCC????


From: Theresa Harper [mailto:theresa@snvs.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:36 AM
To: Sandra Roberts; John Collins; Gordon Muller; Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses removed***
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Hi

Can people please stop replying to all it is blocking our system with the amount of email addresses attached

Thank you

Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***

________________________________________
From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 11:50
To: theresa@snvs.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Is your system ok now? I NEED to reply all to this

Let me know; either way,

J


From: theresa@snvs.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer
Date: 27 January 2009 11:56:13 +0100


Yes its fine now,

thank you

Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 13:18
To: Theresa Harper
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Are you single?


From: theresa@snvs.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer
Date: 27 January 2009 13:21


Y??


Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***



From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: 27 January 2009 13:24
To: Theresa Harper
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Derrrrrrrr.... I'm trying to get laid you malcolm

lol!


________________________________________
From: Theresa Harper
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer
Date: 27 January 2009 13:27


Well do you mind emailing me on my work address get a life sado wot did u email every one or somin well done round of applause clap clap clap
And if you think your gonna get ladid like that then think again sunshine.

Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***

******************************************************************

From: Brian Simpson [mailto:brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk]
Date: 27 January 2009 15:41
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Subject: Sorry


Dear Member,

Please accept my sincere apologies. I entered the email addresses in the wrong box by complete mistake and did not mean for anyone’s personal emails to be seen or for the mass circulation of emails. Please do NOT reply to the first email and contact me direct. Once again my apologies.

Regards

Brian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 15:44
To: brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk
Subject: RE: Sorry


LOL!!!

You SOOOO did this on purpose?!?!?!!!!! Didn't you?!?!?!! LMAO?!!!!!

Did you?

Can you let me know; either way?


J


From: brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Sorry
Sent: 27 January 2009 15:55


Julian,

Trust me, I certainly did not do this on purpose. The backlash that I have suffered from my stupid mistake was really not fun. Certainly not one of my finest moments.

So there you go,.. no not on purpose.

Regards

Brian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 15:59
To: Brian Simpson
Subject: RE: Sorry


Did you get sacked?


From: brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Sorry
Sent: 27 January 2009 16:10


No


***ENDS***

Julian "Branson" Meteor lol

I am OFFICIALLY an entrepreneur!!! lol
As you KNOW, Nan has given me some cash to make a go of it in the centre of the UNIVERSE - London.
This money was NOT intended to WASTE on buying drinks for HONEYS. As a matter of principle I NEVER buy honeys drinks anyway. If I bought a drink for them EVERY time I chatted one up I would waste a LOT of money.
I digress. I've bought myself a METAL Detector!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I canNOT believe I hadn't thought of it before. It is a money-making MACHINE.
Actually, I'll rephrase that, it's a money FINDING machine!!!! lol
I went to that new Westfield shopping Centre which is MUCH better than Plymouth's Drake Circus on Sunday and found £4.50in just TWO hours work!!!!!!!
So, all those credit crunch strugglers, USE YOUR BONCES, get off your BACKSIDES and start thinking CREATIVELY of ways to make money.
BTW I have BAGGSIED Westfield, so don't even THINK about treading my patch.

In other news I am NOW signed up to a site I stumbled upon called Twitter, it has NOTHING to do with YOU KNOW WHAT and it's BRILLIANT!!!!!!
Please follow my movements on Twitter.

T-Shirt Comp - ...and the WINNER is

Paul Hider wins!!!!
This is SUCH a good Argyle Style T-shirt that I am THINKING of reforming the band!!!
We were NOT that bad!!!
Click here to see how we were first formed
...aaaaah, the memories... our first gig, tours, sleeping with groupies, THAT Battle of the Bands, the EMOTIONAL cover of Life is a Rollercoaster that was 200% better than the original.
I wouldn't change a thing... (apart from maybe actually GETTING a gig!!!! pmsl)

Saturday Night Report

I do NOT know what happened last night.
I was in a chippie having snogged NINE birds in the Walkabout on Finchley Road (GREAT pulling bar - wall-to-wall M.I.N.G.E lol ) but I was staring DOWN THE BARREL at my first night out withOUT gettling laid THIS YEAR.
My LAST memory is of being in the chippy nearby and seeing a TOTAL whale walk in and saying "Bet SHE's a regular!!!!! lol... there's a salad bar next door, you should check it OUT rofl"

...then I woke up NEXT to her. WTF????
TOTALLY mixed emotions. On the ONE hand I've bagged my TENTH home run of the year and am WELL on target to hit my aim of 100, on the OTHER, I've just slept with the fattest girl I've ever seen (INCLUDING tv)... NOT lol.

Google Problem

BIG problem. I have NOW found out that JUST because I like to pass comment on things on the internet, it is NOW costing me jobs. Take THIS for example. APART from my fear and hatred of owls, there could not hae BEEN a more suitable applicant for the role of Zoo Educator (at a certain zoo I canNOT name) - ESPECIALLY after doctoring my CV PERFECTLY for the role lol...credit crunch...a man's got to do what a MAN's got to do!!!!! rofl
Does anyone know how to delete the internet?

From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: maurice.richards@*******zoo.co.uk
Subject: JUNIOR ZOO KEEPER POSITION
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2009 09:57:35 +0000

Dear Boris,

Please find attached my CV with reference to the desperate and urgent vacancy for a Junior Zoo Keeper at your reputable establishment. I advise you to interview NO-ONE else before you interview me. I care a LOT for animals, especially homeless ones, and I am SURE I could do a fucking good job,

I wait with great anticipation for your answer,

Julian

----- Original Message -----
From: Julian Meteor
To: maurice.richards@*******zoo.co.uk
Sent: Monday, Jan 19, 2009 3:37 PM
Subject: RE: JUNIOR ZOOKEEPER POSITION


Any news?


Re: JUNIOR ZOO KEEPER POSITION‏
From: Maurice Richards
Sent: 20 Jan 2009 14:04:31
To: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)



Dear Julian,

Thank you for your application on January 13th for the education position, applications for which closed on 19th December for which we have now interviewed and appointed. (The advert will shortly be removed from our website.)

Taking advice from our HR department on your application, this was incomplete or could be more detailed in many areas of your CV and your covering letter matching personal and work/life experience/qualifications to the job role.

Furthermore, due to the vernacular language used in his letter of application, it would automatically exclude you as inappropriate language is a sackable offence within our staff code of conduct. It was also noticed by HR (as is common practice in the modern world) that a quick check on Google revealed a vast and plentiful supply of 'opinions' expressed by you across all manners of topics. It was mentioned that these don't always show you in the best light and could put potential employers off in the future.
You may like to take this on board when applying for any job vacancy for which you consider yourself suitable.
We would of course like to wish you well in your career.

Maurice Richards
Head Zoo Keeper
****** Zoo
******* *******
******
********
T** ***
Telephone: 01*** ******
Fax: 01*** ******



***ENDS***