I AM STILL ALiVE!!!!! lol

...but I have been VERY busy!!!!
I AM however on facebook if you want to find me. I am CURRENTLY running a campaign to watch me streak down Union St in Plymouth IF/W.H.E.N England win the Ashes on Sunday or Monday...
COME ON YOU WHITES!!!! lmao

Fish and Fingers

I'm back!!!! Sorry for my prolonged absence. It's a long story, I'll bore you with it some other time. For now, I'll just say that I won't be producing home made explosives from fireworks in Nan's shed again LOL!!!!
I wasn't LOLing at the time though. I was ROFCIB (Rolling on the floor covered in blood) LOL

The good news for you is my fingers have recovered enough to type (OBVIOUSLY!!!! lmao).

Hockey

From: rthompson@****hockey.ac.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Hockey

Hi,



I am vice-captain of the men’s first team at **** ********* Hockey Club and I understand you want more information. What exactly do you want to know? As I’m sure you understand we can not just tell you to turn up and play for the first team as we have a selection basis dependent on a number of factors.

Regards,

Richard Thompson


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey



Hi Rich,

Thanks for getting back to me. Janie TRIED to help, but women do NOT seem to understand men's hockey lol

The problem is I can NOT train this week (cos I don't have a TIME machine ROFL!!!!! joke of the day??? - please confirm)

but I DO want to play.

Can you make an exception and just put me on the wing (what formation do you play?) for Saturday? I USED to play for Devon U18 so I am VERY good.

Let me know; either way by 1300 BST,

Julian


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


I’m afraid we can’t make that exception unless we have actually seen you play. You could turn out to be unsuitable for the team or you are just trying to be a funny person and emailing with no real interest. Either way, putting you in the first team straight away would not actually be an option as there are a number of players who would be picked ahead of you this week. How about you attend training next week when you can attend and then we can discuss this? And sticking you on the wing would not be an option either as our formation does not include wingers.

Richard


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


I have EVERY intention of playing, but YOU and your secretary (Janie) are HARDLY helping.
WHAT am I supposed to do? I have already made a joke about having a time machine - now you are calling me a FUNNY person.
There is NO joke here BUSTER. I don't know how your BRAIN works but it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to train in a week where training has ALREADY taken place.

I do NOT think an apology would go amiss at this stage. An apology for questioning my integrity.

Julian


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Well there is training tonight as well as on a Tuesday which is why we asked you to attend tonight and you will not need to use your time machine to get to this one. As it says on the website, (www.****.co.uk) training is on both days and starts at 7.30pm tonight at *******. If you wish to attend then please feel free to do so and we will make you more then welcome, from this we could then add you to a squad so you can get a feel for playing for the club. However, if you can not attend this training then if you are free on Tuesday next week then you are welcome to attend this session at 6.30pm. I have not questioned your integrity but as you are calling our development and club member Jamie by another name this is not helping in us thinking you are a serious member. As you can see, my brain is working just fine which is why I asked you to attend training today. I appreciate you may be busy but these are the available options, please let me know what you intend to do.

Thanks

Richard

From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


Richard,

Believe me there is NO need to take that tone with me. I am NEW to the area, but have played a LOT for other clubs in Plymouth, and now I am TRYING to join a club here in London. I am a decent player and think that you should pick me for a game THIS weekend. Jane knows why I couldn't train on Tuesday THIS week (date*) but as I HAVE EXPLAINED I will DEFO be at training next Tuesday. I am MORE than happy to help out with coaching some of the shitter teams as well. I have ALWAYS been totally commited to which other hockey clubs I have played for both on and OFF (big time) the pitch. I have NO idea why you think I am not going to commit to your so called club. I have had nothing by sarcasm and coldness from your ladies captain. All I BLOODY wanted was your details. She tried to fob me off with someone called Simon but said that he didn't have internet access (yeah right, like WHO isn't on Facebook).

Look, let's do it this way. I can't train THIS week. Far too busy and have other credit-crunch related issues (haven't we all...!!! LMAO!!). I am prepared to train NEXT Tuesday as it would be good to see if you lot are any good. If you are not prepared to select me for any team this weekend then that's a shame but it is TOTALLY your call. All I'd say is that it sends out the wrong impression of the club. I'm available if you need someone at shirt notice.

What's the position on petrol money for training? Do we keep receipts or is it built into subs??!

Finally - what is happening on the social front this weekend? I am dying for some lash and I hope I can buy you and Jane a beer and put this ALL behind us!!!! (oh, and you can point me in the direction of some of the single Memebers!!!! !ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Please let me know by 2.30pm as I am on the early shift today.

Julian

*it went BLOODY well thanks for asking!!!!! Return date THIS Friday night!!! I'm going to get her leathered!!!! LOL!!!


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Julian,

OK, one things before we start so that we can get this sorted, Jane is actually called Jamie and is a bloke. He is captain of the 2nd Team and responsible for overseeing the development of the club and generally looks after the running of the club! On the other issue, Jamie told you about Simon who is actually the 1st team captain and male Club Captain. However, as he has recently moved he does not have the internet and is unable to access it at present and therefore I as vice captain thought it was a good idea to email you to let you know of the plans etc. I hope this makes a bit more sense and hopefully will clear up some of the confusion that surrounds this issue!

Right, on the training front, understand that you can’t train this week which is fair enough. Coming next Tuesday would be good so that we could see what you are like and see which team you would fit into rather then seeing how good we are as we already have our squads and sessions set up, although these are obviously subject to change. I would disagree with you on the front that it sends out the wrong impression of the club as there are very few sports clubs who would put an interested player straight into the first team without actually seeing what type of player they are! I apologise if this is not to your liking but that’s the club policy on this issue. Petrol money for training does not apply, all of our players come to training of their own free will and drive up on their own with no money given back to them.


I hope that this explains some more and isn’t seen as sarcasm and coldness as this is not the aim. **HC are a warm and open club to new members!

Sorry this is later then 2.30pm, I am at work and have been in a meeting.

Richard


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


You ledge!!!

Totally embarassed about Jane/Jamie. I was full on flirting with her/him!! DAMN!!!!!!! I am NOT gay LOL!!!!

See you in the bar on Saturday for a FULL de-brief! I hope to come and watch you guys IF no one needs me to fill in.

Woooo ooooooo - HOCKEY 'NAGE is UPON US ONCE MORE!!

(where are the beers?)

JM


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Well I am glad you are now happier, however I will not be there on Saturday as I will be away with the first team. As for beers, wouldn’t be so sure on where they are.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


I know dude - I'm coming to Cardiff to watch!!! ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys keen on a FEW beers AFTER the game in Cardiff. Full of slags!!!

Let me know big guy (EITHER WAY). This is like being back on the SHIPS!!

JM


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Oh right, long way to come to watch a game of hockey! How exactly are you getting to Cardiff? Pretty sure there won’t be anybody who will be staying over in Cardiff as everyone will want to get back to London etc.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


Um... was kinda hoping for a lift!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deal me in. I THINK I'll wear my Argyle shirt (METEOR, 2) as I have not YET got my **HC shirt and this SEEMS like the next best thing. I am PRETTY sure I can convince a FEW of you lot to have a night out in Cardiff. No need to book anywhere FROM WHAT I HAVE HEARD!!! ROFL!!

Let me know the meet time/place.

JM

From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


One problem is that we have a limited amount of space due to kit and people we have to take so I am unsure if there will be room. My suggestion for this week would be to watch the 2nd team play at home on Saturday and then see what that standard is like. Unfortunately I think you are wrong on the staying over front as we will definitely be coming straight back.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Cc: spencerfairbrother@live.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


No disrespect to the second team, but I would prefer to watch LEAGUE hockey.
PLUS I need to get out on a road trip - got myself a BIT of a reputation with the ladies in this town rofl!!!!!

Add me to the 1st team loop and we can sort out the logistics.
I just phoned my mate (in cc) and he MAY be willing to drive his minibus up there if we ask nicely!!!! lol

Let me know; either way,

Julian


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Hi Julian,


I am afraid that I can not accept the offer of the mini bus to take the team to Cardiff and then stay over. I admire you for your effort to find ways to get up there yet the team will be travelling up together. As for arranging things without actually being in the team this is not something that can happen as I am not responsible for giving the go ahead for things like this and as you don’t actually know or have met any of the people involved I do not feel that this is appropriate for our team. As you will find if you attend training, our club does not appear to fit in with your outgoing personality re. staying out over night in cardiff and therefore I am going to request that you please do not come to the game on Saturday. As I have said, training is the time and place to meet the squad and then get to know them and not via email. I apologise if you find this not to your liking but this is the decision made. There are many other hockey clubs in London which may suit you more then our club appears to.

Please do not make any more arrangements in terms of transport to Cardiff for Saturday, we have our own ways of getting there and back.

Thank you for your interest.

Richard


RE: Hockey‏
From: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)
To: Richard Thompson

Sticktease

:(

Honeys Drought

I am VERY worried. The above graph speaks for itSELF.
I am not SO sad that I graph my sexual statistics ALL the time; in fact I don't EVEN like to talk about them, but my ALARMING slump in form (which SEEMS to stem from the loss of confidence since some NASTY people have started writing negative comments on my blog posts) has prompted me to go into my black book of conquests and check if this is not JUST a perception problem.
Sadly, as is PROVEN above, I SEEM to be in a slump.

Any tips* on how to turn this around are MUCH appreciated.

*I am NOT cutting my hair before you ask lol (Samson)

Weather Report

I can confirm there are EXACTLY six inches of snow!!!!!!!!!
lol

Don't ask me how I know, but I got a LOT of strange looks when I was testing it this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PMSL

My New Gym

One thing I have noticed about London, apart from the fact that it is a MYTH that it's easy to get a job, is that people round here are JUST as capable of doing dumb things.
My NEW gym, where I have been spending a LOT of my time lately emailed ALL its members on Wednesday about some sort of offer. Even I know that when you email LOTS of people, you do NOT use CC!!!!!!! lol
Once again, I have changed ALL addresses and names etc to protect the innocent (whatever THAT means!!!! lol)

-----Original Message-----
From: Brian Simpson"
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:20
To: Cc: ***Approx 500 emails Removed***
Subject: Permanent Locker Offer

Dear Member,

We hope you are enjoying your membership with us here at Super Sports.
If you have been in the club in the last few months you will have noticed that we recently added more lockers to the changing room area and outside the studio. This is ideal if you are using the club during the week and fed up of carrying your training kit to and from work or maybe you want to cycle to the club in the morning and get ready for work at the club. We have limited availability left on the lockers that are available to hire on a permanent basis and wanted to offer you the chance to purchase a Locker for £15 per month. If you wish to take up this offer then please drop me an email or alternatively speak to our reception team, but be quick as we are looking to close the list on Locker hire at the end of January.

Hope to see you in the club soon


Healthy Regards

Brian

Assistant Manager

Super Sports

1-6 ****** Row EC2A 3HH

Tel: 020 ******* | Fax: 020 *******

w | ************.co.uk

-----Original Message-----
From: Gordon Muller [mailto:gordonmuller@theinsertfarm.com]
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:21
To: Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses Removed***
Subject: Re: Permanent Locker Offer


GREAT so even fewer lockers available for when most of us come to train at lunch time...


From: john.collins@cdhconsulting.co.uk
Sent: 27 January 2008 10:22
To: Gordon Muller; Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses removed***
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


And generally most other times…


From: Sandra Roberts [mailto:sandra@jrbmarketing.com]
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:23
To: John Collins; Gordon Muller; Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses removed***
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


WHY THE MASS MAIL???
HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF BCC????


From: Theresa Harper [mailto:theresa@snvs.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 10:36 AM
To: Sandra Roberts; John Collins; Gordon Muller; Brian Simpson;
Cc: ***Approx 500 addresses removed***
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Hi

Can people please stop replying to all it is blocking our system with the amount of email addresses attached

Thank you

Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***

________________________________________
From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 11:50
To: theresa@snvs.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Is your system ok now? I NEED to reply all to this

Let me know; either way,

J


From: theresa@snvs.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer
Date: 27 January 2009 11:56:13 +0100


Yes its fine now,

thank you

Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 13:18
To: Theresa Harper
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Are you single?


From: theresa@snvs.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer
Date: 27 January 2009 13:21


Y??


Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***



From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: 27 January 2009 13:24
To: Theresa Harper
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer


Derrrrrrrr.... I'm trying to get laid you malcolm

lol!


________________________________________
From: Theresa Harper
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Permanent Locker Offer
Date: 27 January 2009 13:27


Well do you mind emailing me on my work address get a life sado wot did u email every one or somin well done round of applause clap clap clap
And if you think your gonna get ladid like that then think again sunshine.

Theresa Harper
Compliance Officer
********* & ******* Services Ltd
Unit ******
The ****** Centre
& **** Street
London
NW** ***

******************************************************************

From: Brian Simpson [mailto:brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk]
Date: 27 January 2009 15:41
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Subject: Sorry


Dear Member,

Please accept my sincere apologies. I entered the email addresses in the wrong box by complete mistake and did not mean for anyone’s personal emails to be seen or for the mass circulation of emails. Please do NOT reply to the first email and contact me direct. Once again my apologies.

Regards

Brian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 15:44
To: brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk
Subject: RE: Sorry


LOL!!!

You SOOOO did this on purpose?!?!?!!!!! Didn't you?!?!?!! LMAO?!!!!!

Did you?

Can you let me know; either way?


J


From: brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Sorry
Sent: 27 January 2009 15:55


Julian,

Trust me, I certainly did not do this on purpose. The backlash that I have suffered from my stupid mistake was really not fun. Certainly not one of my finest moments.

So there you go,.. no not on purpose.

Regards

Brian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 27 January 2009 15:59
To: Brian Simpson
Subject: RE: Sorry


Did you get sacked?


From: brian.simpson@supersports.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Sorry
Sent: 27 January 2009 16:10


No


***ENDS***

Julian "Branson" Meteor lol

I am OFFICIALLY an entrepreneur!!! lol
As you KNOW, Nan has given me some cash to make a go of it in the centre of the UNIVERSE - London.
This money was NOT intended to WASTE on buying drinks for HONEYS. As a matter of principle I NEVER buy honeys drinks anyway. If I bought a drink for them EVERY time I chatted one up I would waste a LOT of money.
I digress. I've bought myself a METAL Detector!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I canNOT believe I hadn't thought of it before. It is a money-making MACHINE.
Actually, I'll rephrase that, it's a money FINDING machine!!!! lol
I went to that new Westfield shopping Centre which is MUCH better than Plymouth's Drake Circus on Sunday and found £4.50in just TWO hours work!!!!!!!
So, all those credit crunch strugglers, USE YOUR BONCES, get off your BACKSIDES and start thinking CREATIVELY of ways to make money.
BTW I have BAGGSIED Westfield, so don't even THINK about treading my patch.

In other news I am NOW signed up to a site I stumbled upon called Twitter, it has NOTHING to do with YOU KNOW WHAT and it's BRILLIANT!!!!!!
Please follow my movements on Twitter.

T-Shirt Comp - ...and the WINNER is

Paul Hider wins!!!!
This is SUCH a good Argyle Style T-shirt that I am THINKING of reforming the band!!!
We were NOT that bad!!!
Click here to see how we were first formed
...aaaaah, the memories... our first gig, tours, sleeping with groupies, THAT Battle of the Bands, the EMOTIONAL cover of Life is a Rollercoaster that was 200% better than the original.
I wouldn't change a thing... (apart from maybe actually GETTING a gig!!!! pmsl)

Saturday Night Report

I do NOT know what happened last night.
I was in a chippie having snogged NINE birds in the Walkabout on Finchley Road (GREAT pulling bar - wall-to-wall M.I.N.G.E lol ) but I was staring DOWN THE BARREL at my first night out withOUT gettling laid THIS YEAR.
My LAST memory is of being in the chippy nearby and seeing a TOTAL whale walk in and saying "Bet SHE's a regular!!!!! lol... there's a salad bar next door, you should check it OUT rofl"

...then I woke up NEXT to her. WTF????
TOTALLY mixed emotions. On the ONE hand I've bagged my TENTH home run of the year and am WELL on target to hit my aim of 100, on the OTHER, I've just slept with the fattest girl I've ever seen (INCLUDING tv)... NOT lol.

Google Problem

BIG problem. I have NOW found out that JUST because I like to pass comment on things on the internet, it is NOW costing me jobs. Take THIS for example. APART from my fear and hatred of owls, there could not hae BEEN a more suitable applicant for the role of Zoo Educator (at a certain zoo I canNOT name) - ESPECIALLY after doctoring my CV PERFECTLY for the role lol...credit crunch...a man's got to do what a MAN's got to do!!!!! rofl
Does anyone know how to delete the internet?

From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: maurice.richards@*******zoo.co.uk
Subject: JUNIOR ZOO KEEPER POSITION
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2009 09:57:35 +0000

Dear Boris,

Please find attached my CV with reference to the desperate and urgent vacancy for a Junior Zoo Keeper at your reputable establishment. I advise you to interview NO-ONE else before you interview me. I care a LOT for animals, especially homeless ones, and I am SURE I could do a fucking good job,

I wait with great anticipation for your answer,

Julian

----- Original Message -----
From: Julian Meteor
To: maurice.richards@*******zoo.co.uk
Sent: Monday, Jan 19, 2009 3:37 PM
Subject: RE: JUNIOR ZOOKEEPER POSITION


Any news?


Re: JUNIOR ZOO KEEPER POSITION‏
From: Maurice Richards
Sent: 20 Jan 2009 14:04:31
To: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)



Dear Julian,

Thank you for your application on January 13th for the education position, applications for which closed on 19th December for which we have now interviewed and appointed. (The advert will shortly be removed from our website.)

Taking advice from our HR department on your application, this was incomplete or could be more detailed in many areas of your CV and your covering letter matching personal and work/life experience/qualifications to the job role.

Furthermore, due to the vernacular language used in his letter of application, it would automatically exclude you as inappropriate language is a sackable offence within our staff code of conduct. It was also noticed by HR (as is common practice in the modern world) that a quick check on Google revealed a vast and plentiful supply of 'opinions' expressed by you across all manners of topics. It was mentioned that these don't always show you in the best light and could put potential employers off in the future.
You may like to take this on board when applying for any job vacancy for which you consider yourself suitable.
We would of course like to wish you well in your career.

Maurice Richards
Head Zoo Keeper
****** Zoo
******* *******
******
********
T** ***
Telephone: 01*** ******
Fax: 01*** ******



***ENDS***

T-Shirt Comp UPDATE

Here is a selection of the best t-shirts sent in so far. MOST have been designed by you, my BEST friends... some are t-shirts you think MAY help me on my nights out on the pull.
Click here to see others and PLEASE keep sending them in to julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk.

Operation: Infiltrate the Owls

This is a BIT MI6 but I tried to infiltrate an owl charity yesterday. I had this BRILLIANT idea to work for them as normal, trying REALLY hard to help owl (which would have been VERY hard...), all the while WAITING for my opportunity.
I was going to wait until December, then offer to ORGANISE the Christmas party when ALL the owls probably get invited to a barn in the country for a RIGHT old knees up.
Then the plan was to lock them ALL in FOREVER.


-----Original Message-----
From: Julian Meteor
Sent: 19/01/2009 8:09:07 AM
To: debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
Subject: JOBS

Dear Barnowl,

I am VERY interested in what you do and I would hate more than ANYTHING to see the owl (ESP the barn owl) die out. I have been between jobs for the BEST part of a year now and would LOVE to help out in any way possible. Do you have any jobs going at the moment? I am a qualified chef, so could that help?

Please let me know; either way,

Julian

PS I have access to an owl mask but would need advanced notice in order to obtain it.



From: debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:50:44 +0000
Subject: Re: (Fwd) JOBS

Dear Julian

Thank you very much for your email & the concern that you express for the plight of the Barn Owl.
We do currently have a vacancy which we are advertising on our web site.

The closing date is noon on friday 23rd January.

Best wishes

Debbie

Debbie Curtis
Conservation Assistant
email: debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
tel: 01***** *****
Live owl emergency mobile 07*** ******


From: Julian Meteor
To: debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
Subject: RE: (Fwd) JOBS
Date sent: Mon, 19 Jan 2009 10:08:29 +0000

Hi Debs,

Thanks for this. On ANOTHER note, I saw a guy the other day wearing what appeared to be his 'work' t-shirt. It said "Owl Instructor" on it with a picture of an owl on the front.

Any idea what one of these is? It had my friends and me BAFFLED.

Let me knowl,

Julian


RE: (Fwd) JOBS‏
From: debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
Sent: 19 January 2009 10:17:03
To: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)

Sorry Julian
I have no idea.

Debbie


From: Julian Meteor
To: 'Barn Owl Debs' debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
Subject: RE: (Fwd) JOBS
Date sent: Mon, 19 Jan 2009 14:05:53 +0000

Any news?

Any old quote should keep them happy to be honest.
Shall I just say something like "Debbie Barn from the Owl Charity says that an Owl inspector may be someone who checks for disease among owls, such as hepititis, influenza, chlamydia etc"?

Let me owl,

Julian


RE: (Fwd) JOBS‏
From: debbie@barnowlrc.org.uk
Sent: 19 January 2009 14:13:53
To: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)

Julian

We are a small under resourced charity, working very hard to conserve the Barn Owl & its environment & really do not have time to speculate on the role of an owl inspector. Please do not contact me again,

Debbie

***Ends***

T-shirt Competition

The INFLUX of t-shirts I have been sent in has given me a BRAINwave. I am starting a Julian Meteor t-shirt competition.
I am WILLING (Keith, you are a lucky LUCKY man) to have an amnesty in the name of art and am going to allow ANY t-shirt design.
Simply email me your design on julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk and I'll upload EVERY one onto my flikr site:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/955586@N25/

You can also click HERE for a t-shirt generator so you can ALL have a go. OR try this one which (if you are VERY clever, like Spencer) lets you upload an image.

Some are on there already.

The winner WILL get printed as an ACTUAL t-shirt and I will AUTOMATICALLY add it to my pool of pulling t-shirts, along with my "Sex Instructor" T, and my "FBI" long sleeve.

T-shirt SCANDAL

Thanks to Keith for sending this in.
I WILL be suing for this.

Best posts of 2008

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungover!!!! lol
So much so that I canNOT be bothered to post today
OTHER than to list my BEST moments on 2008.
Before I do, however, let me explain briefly JUST how much fun you can have going out on your OWN in London.
I came home with a TRAFFIC cone on my head, being pushed along in a Sainsbury's supermarket trolley by the DISGUSTING lump (Rachel? Robina? I don't bloody know!!! lol) I met JUST before the lights came out in my NEW favourite bar the WALKABOUT on Finchley Road. Being the TOTAL player I am, I QUICKLY logged into MSN messenger when I got home, CYBERED an ex before SPRINTING upstairs and doing it for REAL.
I have NO conscience!!!!!!!!!!!!! rofl

Here's my best of 2008:

3.My NEAR pulling of an FHM High Street Honey (model)

2. The day I DIVULGED my most effective chat-up lines.
This was a MASSIVE risk at the time, but I have SINCE learnt that at LEAST 12 home runs (that I KNOW of) have been scored off the back of this post.

1. My VERY near miss on finding a job. In fact, this was a moment that STILL encourages me to KEEP trying; EVEN in this seemingly NEVER ending war on credit.

ANOTHER owl t-shirt

I have JUST received this picture from an ANONYMOUS source. I guess it's someone's work t-shirt. It is VERY similar to a t-shirt I own, that says "SEX Instructor" on it!!!!!! lol... on the back it says "FIRST LESSON FREE"!!!!!!! Get it????????
I have ASTONISHING stats in that t-shirt. I have NEVER left the house and NOT come back with a honey... and that INCLUDES going out to buy a copy of Loaded.
In fact, Spencer and Jally BANNED me from wearing it cos they felt it gave me an UNFAIR advantage. I know EXACTLY what they mean.
I wanted to take it piccy but the reflection of the glass (I framed it after it reached 50 'home runs' in it) made for a poor quality photo :(

Anyway, Owl Instructor is a job I will NOT be applying for.
What on EARTH does an owl instructor do anyway?
Any ideas anyone?
Keep sending in your owl t-shirts for evaluation. I give the "Owl Instructor" T a 0/10.
A HARROWING t-shirt in an AWFUL colour.

URGENT - Go shopping... NOW

FORGET the credit crunch, I urge you ALL to go out and but THIS t-shirt.
Other than beer t-shirts ("I drink therefore I am - Shakesbeer" lol and "Beer is proof the God exists" ROFL) and my fabled green Argyle shirt, this is one of the FEW t-shirts WORTH owning because it helps spread the word on a VERY serious problem ESPECIALLY with Spring approaching.

It's available by clicking on THIS ------> word and is this year's MUST buy.

A WHISKER away from my first interview

The New Year has NOT got off to a good start. I had HEARD in the trade press (London Lite) that there will be MORE jobs in the New Year. Well, I can TELL you, this is an UTTER lie. Even the MOST easy-going (me lol) people lose their rag EVENTUALLY (NB this is 84 - EIGHTY FOUR - jobs I have now been OVERqualified for, but FAILED to get an interview for.)


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009 08:53:18 +0000

Dear Deputy,

I am a VERY experienced gym manager. I CAN swim, vwe etc.

Is the post still open?

Let me know; either way,

Julian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009 09:53
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager



ANY NEWS?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009 10:15:47 +0000


Morning Julian,



We have already short listed for interviews for the Fitness Managers post, I will keep your e-mail on file in case we are un successful with the current candidates.



Have a great New Year!

Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: Clive Scott
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager



How can I have a 'great' New Year when YOU have just TOTALLY shafted me?

It's people like you who are CAUSING the unemployment rate to soar.

Thanks; for nothing,

Julian



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009


Dear Julian,

As previously explained we have already short listed for this post, so I don’t know how you have been “shafted”. Secondly as you have noticed we are in the process of employing so in response to your comment “It's people like you who are CAUSING the unemployment rate to soar” does not make sense.

I would suggest that if you are having any problems finding employment reevaluate your CV, interview techniques and your own skills & qualifications.

I wish you good luck in the New Year in finding a suitable role.

Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Dear Deputy,

How DARE you write back to me in such a patronising manner. You haven't even SEEN my CV or interviewed me YET so you are in NO position to give ANY opinion about them. I find your attitude VERY unprofessional. Perhaps if YOU applied YOURself in a more business-like manner then you would be more than just DEPUTY manager.

Now, let me know by 3pm today when you want to interview me or I'll tell your manager about your insults.

Makes me sick,

Julian


From: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
CC: clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009


Dear Julian,


At 3pm please phone Mark Watson regional General Manager on 020 **** **** at our ******* Club. I have copied him in on this e-mail.



Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: Clive Scott
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Dear Mark,

Please confirm ASAP if the call at 3pm is an interview or not. I will need to prepare in the next 5 minutes if so.

On a different note, I am sorry that your junior deputy/Scott was so unprofessional about this whole matter. I look forward to working with ***** and making us all a LOT of money.

I look forward to hearing from you ahead of 3pm. IF this is an interview, it would be more convenient if I could reverse the charges. Please confirm in your reply.

Julian.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Mark, any news?



RE: Health Club Manager‏
From: Clive Scott @ Gold's Gym (deputy@*****gym.co.uk)
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: 'Julian Meteor' (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)


Dear Julian,

There shall be no interview.


Kind Regards

Clive Scott

Deputy Manager


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Clive Scott @ ***** Gym [mailto:deputy@*****gym.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: han.clubmanager@goldsgym.co.uk
Subject: FW: Health Club Manager

RE: Health Club Manager‏
From: clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
You may not know this sender.Mark as safe|Mark as unsafe
Sent: 29 December 2008 14:19:55
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Cc: 'Clive Scott @ ***** Gym' (deputy@*****gym.co.uk)

Julian

Contact number for yourself please.

Mark Watson
Regional General Manager



From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009


Scott,

First of all you actively encourage me to apply for the position of General Manager of your gyms so I send an email. Then you give me a load of rubbish about me not making the shortlist BEFORE the deadline has even expired. Then your half-wit deputy tells me to phone you for what ANYONE would have thought would have been an interview. Now you are telling me there will be NO interview anyway. Why on earth are you intent on WASTING MY TIME? Why did your Deputy tell me to call you when he probably KNEW that there wouldn't be an interview.

I tell you something, I am justifiably PISSED OFF and I DEMAND an explanation. I tell you what, this would NOT have happened with Fitness First.

Have you got a position or NOT?

I tell you, this is impossible.

Please let me know; either way.

Julian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: deputy@*****gym.co.uk; clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
Subject: RE: Health Club Manager


Mark - I sent this to Scott by mistake. Apologies.

I think you will now understand WHY I am so pissed off.

What a farce!! Please let me have an explanation!!!

JM


RE: Health Club Manager‏
From: clubmanager@*****gym.co.uk
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2009
To: 'Julian Meteor' (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk); 'Clive Scott' (deputy@*****gym.co.uk)


Julian

I have forwarded your emails on to Ealing Police Station and I will actively pursue you for harrassment.

I would suggest the reason you have got no further than a Fitness Manager is because you are utterly useless and incapable of communication.

Do not contact any employee of ***** Gym or enter any ***** Gym - any further communication will be sent to the Police and you should be aware that we are tracking your IP address through our IT department.


Mark Watson
Regional General Manager

***ENDS***

I was on RADIO 1!!!!!

I was TOTALLY on the radio yesterday!!!!
Click here and I am on after EXACTLY 42 mins 11 seconds.

I went out AFTERwards and my voice got recognised by COUNTLESS honeys in the pub.
NATURALLY the BEST looking one is STILL in my bed(sit).

I am WARMING to London. You JUST need the breaks!!!!!! lmao

My FAMOUS Grandfather

A FEW people in London have been asking me why I wear a Plymouth Argyle shirt.
Others ask why I wear it every day (apart from job interviews lol... but I am YET to have one).

I PREFER to be humble about it, but the REASON is that my Grandfather, Bill Strauss USED to play for them (1946-1953). He was a RAMPAGING winger and a TOTAL player with the local honeys. No prizes for guessing where I got it from then!!!!!! lol
Nan was TOTALLY smitten with him, but she soon learnt he wasn't one for settling down.
There is a RUMOUR in Plymouth that Britney Spears' latest single was inspired by him!!!!! But I think that's romantic bollocks. She is DEFO referring to me!!!!!

I USED to like David Beckham

Went to the Beckam Academy in East London with the Argyle Supporters for a kick about the other day. What a WASTE of fucking time. Nice place and all, but they were SO unhelpful after I left my top there.
See for yourselves if you don't believe me.

My advice: GLUE your clothing on if you ARE going to go there, cos they will DENY they have it if you leave it there.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009 09:33
To: rdavies@thedavidbeckhamacademy.co.uk
Subject: Beckam Academy


Hi Robster!!! I was at your complex the other day and i think I lost a tracksuit top.
It was Adidas, and had three stripes (black) down the sleeves.

I left in a hurry (got a call from an ex - hotty!!! lol I was out of there in a shot!!!!!) so probs left it in the changing room

Can you let me know if youve seen it???? ; either way,

J

PS hows the love life?????????? I am on FIRE!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 10:46:42 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk


Hello Julian ,

What event did you play in ?

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 11:32:56 +0000

'sup Rob,

Thanks at ya for getting back to me.

I was at the Street League 5-a-side tournament in December (sorry, a few weeks back NOT last week as previously mentioned) - got muddled. Probably the MASSIVE amount of beer consumed last night!! LOL!!!! (ps - I have to stop there, you should have seen the state of the bird I woke up with!! MOOOOOSEEEE ALERT!!!! LMAO!). 'Nage.

Anyway, if it does turn up, please can you let me know, EITHER WAY.

Thanks

Big Jules


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009 12:19
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy


Found it?


Subject: FW: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 12:32:45 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk



sorry, from the email you sent , I presumed it meant that you had found it.

I've checked with our lost property and their is nothing there.

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 12:48:04 +0000

Don't know why I fucking bother.

From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009 14:03
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy


Any news?

I really need it for an interview-cum-date (make of that what you will lol) tonight

Let me know; etc

Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 14:05:38 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk

As i told you this morning we do not have it.

The date you lost it was the 20th December , it has taken you a long time to realise it was gone .

Regards

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Tue 6 Jan 2009
To: Robert Davies
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy


Add me on facebook, then I can show you what it looks like


Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 +0000
From: Robert Davies
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
CC: justin.regis@fiveaside.co.uk


I am not on facebook and I have had a good look in lost property and there is nothing Adidas in there.

I also spoke to Justin from the event you played in and he hasn't found it either.

Robert Davies
Business Development Manager
The David Beckham Academy
07**********

From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: justin.regis@fiveaside.co.uk"
Subject: RE: Beckam Academy
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 16:22:13 +0000

Yo yo J-Man!!!

LOL!!!!! He is SO moody !!!! It's like 'take a chill pill' !!!!! I mean, it's ONLY a tracky top, stop going ON about it!!!!!!!

How are you man???


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: dbeckham@thedavidbeckhamacademy.co.uk
CC: rdavies@thedavidbeckhamacademy.co.uk; justin.regis@fiveaside.co.uk
Subject: URGENT - MISSING TRACKSUIT TOP
Date: Tue 6 Jan 2009 17:47:34 +0000

Dear Beckham,

Sorry to trouble you, but desperation has led me to contact you directly and Rob said you MAY be able to help.

On a recent visit to your academy I lost a white adidas top which YOU YOURSELF have signed. It has THREE stripes down EACH sleeve.

It is DEFO in the academy, as I got home the next morning and I was only wearing a t-shirt (NOT an adidas one, hope you don't mind). Where was I between then and the following morning hear you ask?
I met a girl. The top would NOT have fitted her so why would SHE steal it? Anyway I am 1000% it is in your complex and I need it back asap ( actually needed it for an interview I had this afternoon, but it's too late now. And I didn't get the job - coincidence? I do not think so)

I really hope you can help me, even though I don't support ANY team you have EVER played for (unless you have played for Plymouth Argyle?), but I respect you,

Please can you let me know; either way - you may even have picked it up thinking it was yours? Check the washing instructions, it has "Carlton Brown" sewn on a name badge there.

Thanks a mill,

J

***No Reply***

VOTE FOR ME!!! lol

It has been BROUGHT to my attention (thanks to my online bezzie the Scaryduck) that there are awards for blogging.

PLEASE take the time to vote for me. Whilst there ISN'T an appropriate category for me (Best Shag for HONEYS LOL, Best Hair? LOUDEST guffs? Best Blog by an Argyle Fan?), Spencer said that my blog SOMEtimes makes him lol, HAS made him rofl and OCCASIONALLY makes him lhao (all this DESPITE some of the LESS happy times I have written about, like my DREADFUL bad luck in finding employment since the crunch).

So, in order to help me get EVEN more sex when I become famous and MAYBE an interview on Wogan (is Wogan still ON?), PLEASE vote for me in the Most Humourous Weblog section.
Here is the link:
http://2009.bloggies.com/

IF I win AND get sex as a result I PROMISE to film it and post it as a youtube blog the MOMENT I've finished (even if SHE hasn't pmsl)

Wiping out the competition

Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 11:22:10 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer


Hi Gerry,

I see you are looking to join a band AS A DRUMMER, on MY patch.

May I suggest you HANG back until I have found one. I have CLEARLY been looking for longer and YOU can't just come in and spoil the party.

That is NOT how the music industry works. You will give yourself a VERY bad name.

Let me know; either way,

Julian



Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 12:38:35 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer


dont just go around telling people you dont no what to do theres plenty of bands in london looking for drummers do why dont you open your eyes and fuking look instead of pointing the finger around


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 13:22:10 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?

Look, I'm just trying to earn an HONEST living.

People like you are the REASON we're in a credit crunch.

Disgusting attitude.


Julian


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 13:43:58 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer



WAHT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT YOU DICK IM LOOKING FOR A BAND NOT TO TAKE PPLS JOBS AWAY. WAT A PRICK MATE.


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 15:30:51 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer

WTF??????

M.A.N.N.E.R.S. mate!!!!!! lol

Look, I do NOT know why you are BEING like this, but it's NOT acceptable, ok?

I BET you love owls.

Julian


Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:02:11 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer



LOOK PRICK IM NOT A FUKING FOOL STOP TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOUR SOME BIG MAN WHO KNOWS PPL IN THE INDUSTRY BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE SOMEWERE ALREDY NOT LOOKING ON GUMTREE FOR A BAND YOU TWAT

IF YOUR SUCH A BIG MAN THEN YOU WOULD MEET ME AND TRY GET COCKY TO MY FACE DICK HEAD.


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 17:02:22 +0000
From: Julian Meteor
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: Re: Drummer


Now LOOK here Gary,

JUST WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE USING CAPITALS AT ME?

Fuck me, if you so even as come NEAR me I'll knock your block off you big gay.

FOR THE RECORD - I am NOT going to put my cock in your face so you can stop dreaming about that NOW ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 17:11:50 +0000
From: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Drummer

O REALY WELL FUKING TELL ME WERE AND WEN TO MEET YOU U FUKING BENDER AND ILL SMASH THE SHIT OUT OF YOU U STUPID DICK FACE GOOD LUCK WITH THE WHOLE FINDING A BAND PPL DNT TEND TO TAKE ON LIL COCK SUCKERS LMAO GET A LIFE YOUR NOT GOING ANYWERE PUSSY.


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: gerrie.****@googlemail.com
Subject: RE: Drummer
Date: Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 17:36:01 +0000

I have JUST had a date cancelled so I can meet you TONIGHT. I am in NW London but CAN travel (VWE etc).

Let me know (either way) where (the FUCK) to meet you. Let's say 9pm.

You are GOING down.

***FYI readers, I FINISHED him with a well-known move)***

The GREATEST Pub Game?

Sorry for not writing in AGES, but I've had things to see and people to do!!!!!! rofl
Ever been in a cock-heavy pub, pissed, bored with NO board games handy?
Well, over the festive period, I was introduced to THE best pub game that requires NO props. It's called 'Cock or Ball' and I am the WORLD champion lol.
I was with Spencer, Jally and a few GRIM birds I did NOT want to sleep with (one called Wendy who was THE strangest looking thing I ave EVER seen) and we were looking for amusement. Then, out of NOwhere Jally introduced us to a game he used to play in France called something like 'La Gonade ou la Kekette'. Spencer then mentioned that it already existed in England and was often played by "juveniles" (whatever THEY are lol) but I could DEFO tell he was jealous when Jally and I got down to sudden death in our ensuing game.
Incidentally I won the VERY tense encounter and my prize was TEN free peanut throws at BOTH of Jally's danglies!!!!! I LOVE cock or ball!!!!! lmao

PS Wendy wasn't THAT bad in bed either.