Jally made a HASH of booking the venue. TOTAL disaster. The problem, I discovered, is that he is FRENCH. I knew this ALREADY, but I FORGOT that we traditionally HATE them. I have therefore had to spend most of last night and a LOT of today sorting out the mess he has left the band with. I had to email Chris from the Strongrooms in Portsmouth and call on ALL the negotiation skills I have learnt from those army job adverts on ITV.
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: The Argyle Style
Date: Weds, 15 Oct 2008 19:06:14
Hi Chris,
I've been given your details by my Band Manager.
We're a local band about to embark on a tour up in the North of England (look out - Northern birds ROFL!!!!)
As you may already know, we're looking to play a warm-up gig before we depart, and the GOOD news is we have chosen your venue for the night of the 30th October.
Jacques-Antoine just asked me to get in touch and finalise the financial details, I think he gets a bit stuck when it comes to our currency!!!! Ignorant loser lol
So, roll up your sleeves lol, and let's talk numbers.
What are you offering?
Let me know; etc,
Julian
________________________________________
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 08:57:17
Subject: Re: The Argyle Style
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Sorry Julian,
I don’t pay bands, they play at my venue for free and
there is a 3 month waiting list to do so.
Kind Regards
Chris
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: ja.lecullotte@googlemail.com; penelope_miles@yahoo.co.uk; spencerfairbrother@live.co.uk
CC: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: Gig Confirmation
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 10:37:04
Guys,
It looks like we have our first gig!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOO!!!! LOL
We are pencilled in for the 15th August at The Strong Rooms in Portsmouth for a two hour slot. The reason we are pencilled in is that
Chris (the Boss) has to reschedule a NON-signed band.
The ONLY bad news is Chris is REFUSING to pay us (tight ass ROFL), but we can probably pass a tin round or something after we rock to house with
our first couple of tracks.
Julian
PS Spencer, you owe me a fiver: BRING IT TO BAND PRACTICE ON WEDS
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 13:51
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
CC: ja.lecullotte@googlemail.com; penelope_miles@yahoo.co.uk; spencerfairbrother@live.co.uk
The Strong Rooms is not even open on the 30th October, so you are not pencilled in anywhere apart from in your imagination. Perhaps you can get some invisible friends to come to your imaginary gig.
Woooooo Hoooooo
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 14:02
Hi Chris,
Please in future do NOT reply all and show me up like that again.
I was told by my band mate/manager, that the 30th had been "pencilled" in. He actually said something slightly different, but I had to interpret - he's French.
Have I got this all wrong?
Please let me know; either way,
Julian
________________________________________
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 15:02:26 -0400
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
I don’t think the translation was quite correct
"Try DORKSVILLE you wine drinking, onion carrier"
Does NOT translate to
"you have a gig on the 15th at the Strong Rooms in Portsmouth"
So just to clarify, the answer is no
Here is a bigger answer for the hard of hearing
NO
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 15:34:42 +0000
LOL!!!!
Did you REALLY say that???????? A BIT naughty, but I LITERALLY spat my coffee out when I read that!!!!
I do NOT think you will be on his Christmas card list now!!!!
I best deal with this then. How can we get a gig at your venue in the next two (or three if you insist) months?
Let me know; etc
Julian
________________________________________
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 15:49:37
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
If you can direct me to a website or myspace with your music on it,
I will check your band out and let you know if suitable for my club
Kind regards
Chris
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 16:07:39
www.myspace.com/theargylestyle
Our web man (Spencer) is supposed to be sorting it. We had a DISASTER last week when ALL our music was stolen off it and copied. So I'm not mad keen on sending it out.
Can we DEFO be guaranteed a slot if you like it? Perhaps I could call you and play it down the phone? Safer lol
Please let me know; either way,
Julian
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 16:15:58 -0400
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Sorry can’t do anything until I have heard a demo (and not down the phone lol)
Kind Regards
Chris
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 17:28:26 +0000
LOOK BUSTER, we are a SIGNED band, not just some two-bob outfit looking to have a laugh.
I just spoke to Jacques-Antoine, he SAID you were difficult. I put it down to him being FOREIGN, but now I can see you are RUDE, difficult and arrogant even with NORMAL people.
Can you let me know either way?
Julian
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 17:30:54
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
OK, which label are you signed to??
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 17:42:26
Parlophone. You may not have heard of them. Your classic Radio 1/Virgin listener doesn't know some of the more underground labels.
________________________________________
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 17:51:43 -0400
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
They forgot to add you to the list then???
http://www.parlophone.co.uk
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:36:16
Chris,
There is NO point getting shitty with me. I made you a kind offer that WOULD have brought your place significant publicity. We ALL know how much financial trouble your venue has been in recently. I appreciate you do not normally deal with the larger bands but sometimes we NEED to play the crappy venues to try new sounds etc. Sometimes we cannot afford for the press to get wind of such gigs. Don't say we didn't give you a chance. To be honest, I am fucking pissed off about this but don't you think you owe it to your customers to get a decent name from time to time? Perhaps you MAY have (finally) got laid as a result!!! LOL!!! I am not going to give you any more chances. You know where I am. Start begging "big" dog and I may NOT tell Parlophone about you and your student bar.
Let me know
________________________________________
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:45:22 -0400
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Parlophone are very interested in your previous statements and your emails have been passed to their fraud department, Unfortunately as you requested payment, the police will now also be involved as impersonating a signed band to obtain money by deception is in fact a criminal act.
________________________________________
From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Subject: RE: Gig Confirmation
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:50:18 +0000
The France Tourist Board is interested in YOUR comments as well.
I meant Sony. I ALWAYS get the two mixed up lmao
Look, we offered (RELUCTANTLY) to play for free, so let's not get the police involved in what would become a joint Racism-Fraud case; because YOU would lose.
NO more mucking around. CAN WE PLAY YOUR VENUE OR NOT?
________________________________________
From: chris@strongroomsportsmouth.com
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2008 14:40:54
Subject: Re: Gig Confirmation
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Sorry, too late and tell the wine drinking, onion carrier that the French Tourist Board
can be contacted at www.francetourism.com
The police are already involved and are monitoring your emails as we speak, you could
always say it was a practical joke that went badly wrong?
Kind Regards
Chris
********************************************************************************
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment