Friday, 5 March 2010

Life Update



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From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 03 March 2010 14:09
To: info@home****.co.uk
Subject: Query


Hi there,

Any loos?

Rgds

Julian


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 14:14:08 +0000


Hi Julian,


Thank you for your email.


We supply a wide range of WC’s on our site. Please take a look.


Kind regards,

Emma

www.Home******.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 03 March 2010 14:15
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query


Hi Jen,

Thanks for this! Please can you let me know when the next appointment is?

Kind regards

Julian


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 14:54:17 +0000

Hi Julian,


I don’t understand what you are asking. Appointment for what?

Kind regards,

EMMA

www.Home******.co.uk


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 15:06:25 +0000


Hi Jen,

I've had a look at your WCs (on the site) and they all look lovely. Trouble is it is sometimes hard to ascertain exactly how they will perform or what they will look like. I'd therefore like to book an appointment to come and meet you (or your colleagues) and have a proper "offline" look around!

Is this possible?

Please let me know; either way.

Kind regards

Julian


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 03 March 2010 15:20
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query

I have just been released from work for the afternoon - can I pop in today? I work in the Brit so not far!

LOL


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 15:32:39 +0000


Hi Julian,


Our showroom is open weekdays from 8 until 6pm.


We are short staffed today so it may be best for you to come in tomorrow and someone will be able to help you.


We only have a small selection of WC’s in our showroom at the moment.


When you come in, please speak to Ash at the front desk and he will be able to help you.


Kind regards,

Emma

www.Home******.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 03 March 2010 15:45
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query


Hi Emma,

Sorry I am a little confused!! Where did Jen go??

Anyway, thanks for your response. I'll come in tomorrow and ask for you (or Jen!!) lol. I note that you do not have the biggest selection of loos in your showroom. Please can you confirm if any of them are plumbed in somewhere private? This topic of conversation is never easy but one has to be sure that the loo is right of them... I hope you understand. I have never bought a new loo before so Looking forward to your guidance.

I will be there before 8am so I can beat the queues.

Rgds

Julian

PS - I assume I do not need to bring loo paper but please let me know otherwise.


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 16:01:01 +0000

Hi Julian,


Jen left last week, I am just using her emails.


Unfortunately, I don’t work in the showroom. The best time to come in is 9am as Ash will be available. Ash will be the best person to deal with as he is our showroom assistant.


We have a toilet plumbed in but that isn’t one that’s on display, it’s the customer toilet.


Kind regards,

Emma

www.Home******.co.uk


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 16:10:26 +0000


LOL!!!! Where did Jen go??! Any good gossip? Your place sounds a pretty cool place to work!

See you/Ash tomorrow.


From: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 16:36:05 +0000


Emma/Jen

Drink after work?

Regards


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 04 March 2010 10:47
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query


Hi Ems

I guess you'd already left!! Hopefully another time?

I couldn't find Ash this morning so I just had a look round myself. A REALLY good selection. I am a little concerned at the state of the customer toilet though - I guess your cleaning staff come in later in the day?? I hope so!! LOL!

Anyway, where do we take it from here?

BTW (by the way) - what DID happen to Jen?

Many thanks

Julian


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Thu, 4 Mar 2010 11:07:32 +0000


Hi Julian,


Jen left our company.


If you know what WC you want to purchase, you can do this online or you can order through the showroom. It’s completely up to you.


I’m sorry, I don’t go for drinks with customers, company policy. Also I’m happily married!!


Are you really interested in buying a WC?


Kind regards,

Emma

www.Home******.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 04 March 2010 11:41
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query


Married eh. Oops lol. Do NOT tell HIM about my advances lmao.

Everything ok at home???? (LOL - you NEVER know in this day and age*)

To answer your question, and to get to more serious matters, I need a toilet LESS than I did this morning if you know what I mean, but I am sure the need will arise again - usually after my morning muesli. Sorry for the detail, but you DID ask.

Anyway, are the prices negotiable? I think I am ready to proceed. Probably with the white one I saw.

Let me know the procedure and I can transfer funds.


Julian



*In the United States, 49% of marriages end in divorce. Source: http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Thu, 4 Mar 2010 12:20:48 +0000


I find your email offensive.


If you wish to purchase a WC, (99% of them are white!) then please do this online as I am unable to help you further.


www.Home******.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 04 March 2010 14:14
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query


Emma

There is no need to be like that!! I thought we were getting on swimmingly!! I am not quite sure what it is that I have done to upset you but please don't let this get in the way of our flirty relationship going forward.

I am afraid I cannot conclude my purchase online as I no longer have internet connection... I have to steel wireless from my elderly neighbour or grab some feetime in the library!!! (I would NOT recommend going to the library - it's boring as!!! LMAO!!).

Anyway, please confirm (by 14.30) that you or Ash (or Jen) will be available from 8am tomorrow morning so I can drop off the cash. How much is it again? Also, when will you be able to arrange installation??

Thanks for your time, Emma, I really appreciate it. I guess you get LOADS of emails like mine during your working day ROFL!!


From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Thu, 4 Mar 2010 14:46:14 +0000


Hi,


I’m sorry were closed tomorrow!


I don’t flirt so don’t know what made you think I was doing that.


How can you email me if you don’t have an internet connection?????????? Don’t answer this as I don’t want to know!


No, we don’t get emails like this all the time. Normally the customers that email us don’t waste my time!


Kind regards,

Emma

www.Home******.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 04 March 2010 15:06
To: jennifer@home******.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query


Blimey - who stole the jam from YOUR donut! LOL!!!!

Talk about "time of the month"

Don't worry Emma - please just send me Ash's number and I'll take it from there.

Regards

Jules


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From: jennifer@home******.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Query
Date: Thu, 4 Mar 2010 15:12:48 +0000


The number to call is 01752 ****** and ask for Ash.


Kind regards,

Emma

www.Home*******.co.uk

9 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

You really are one of the most embarrassing prats on the internet.

Scarlet Blue said...

Why...? I mean why Mr Meter, would you want to upset these poor women. Aren't their lives hard enough having to flog sanitary ware?
Sx

Blue Eyes said...

Nice one. This is up there with the snow measuring.

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Chairboyrules said...

Ha I wiggled my tache so much!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, he's back.

I reckon the score is three out-of-ten for perseverance (no blog posts for over 6 months, but somehow, you're still not dead) and minus several million out-of-ten for talent.
As I believe has been said before, please try to be less sh1t.

Anonymous said...

wanker

Julian Meteor said...

FINALLY got internet access again - some VERY mean comments here :(

Anonymous said...

BrillianT!