Thursday, 12 February 2009

Hockey




From: rthompson@****hockey.ac.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Hockey

Hi,



I am vice-captain of the men’s first team at **** ********* Hockey Club and I understand you want more information. What exactly do you want to know? As I’m sure you understand we can not just tell you to turn up and play for the first team as we have a selection basis dependent on a number of factors.

Regards,

Richard Thompson


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey



Hi Rich,

Thanks for getting back to me. Janie TRIED to help, but women do NOT seem to understand men's hockey lol

The problem is I can NOT train this week (cos I don't have a TIME machine ROFL!!!!! joke of the day??? - please confirm)

but I DO want to play.

Can you make an exception and just put me on the wing (what formation do you play?) for Saturday? I USED to play for Devon U18 so I am VERY good.

Let me know; either way by 1300 BST,

Julian


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


I’m afraid we can’t make that exception unless we have actually seen you play. You could turn out to be unsuitable for the team or you are just trying to be a funny person and emailing with no real interest. Either way, putting you in the first team straight away would not actually be an option as there are a number of players who would be picked ahead of you this week. How about you attend training next week when you can attend and then we can discuss this? And sticking you on the wing would not be an option either as our formation does not include wingers.

Richard


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


I have EVERY intention of playing, but YOU and your secretary (Janie) are HARDLY helping.
WHAT am I supposed to do? I have already made a joke about having a time machine - now you are calling me a FUNNY person.
There is NO joke here BUSTER. I don't know how your BRAIN works but it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to train in a week where training has ALREADY taken place.

I do NOT think an apology would go amiss at this stage. An apology for questioning my integrity.

Julian


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Well there is training tonight as well as on a Tuesday which is why we asked you to attend tonight and you will not need to use your time machine to get to this one. As it says on the website, (www.****.co.uk) training is on both days and starts at 7.30pm tonight at *******. If you wish to attend then please feel free to do so and we will make you more then welcome, from this we could then add you to a squad so you can get a feel for playing for the club. However, if you can not attend this training then if you are free on Tuesday next week then you are welcome to attend this session at 6.30pm. I have not questioned your integrity but as you are calling our development and club member Jamie by another name this is not helping in us thinking you are a serious member. As you can see, my brain is working just fine which is why I asked you to attend training today. I appreciate you may be busy but these are the available options, please let me know what you intend to do.

Thanks

Richard

From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


Richard,

Believe me there is NO need to take that tone with me. I am NEW to the area, but have played a LOT for other clubs in Plymouth, and now I am TRYING to join a club here in London. I am a decent player and think that you should pick me for a game THIS weekend. Jane knows why I couldn't train on Tuesday THIS week (date*) but as I HAVE EXPLAINED I will DEFO be at training next Tuesday. I am MORE than happy to help out with coaching some of the shitter teams as well. I have ALWAYS been totally commited to which other hockey clubs I have played for both on and OFF (big time) the pitch. I have NO idea why you think I am not going to commit to your so called club. I have had nothing by sarcasm and coldness from your ladies captain. All I BLOODY wanted was your details. She tried to fob me off with someone called Simon but said that he didn't have internet access (yeah right, like WHO isn't on Facebook).

Look, let's do it this way. I can't train THIS week. Far too busy and have other credit-crunch related issues (haven't we all...!!! LMAO!!). I am prepared to train NEXT Tuesday as it would be good to see if you lot are any good. If you are not prepared to select me for any team this weekend then that's a shame but it is TOTALLY your call. All I'd say is that it sends out the wrong impression of the club. I'm available if you need someone at shirt notice.

What's the position on petrol money for training? Do we keep receipts or is it built into subs??!

Finally - what is happening on the social front this weekend? I am dying for some lash and I hope I can buy you and Jane a beer and put this ALL behind us!!!! (oh, and you can point me in the direction of some of the single Memebers!!!! !ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Please let me know by 2.30pm as I am on the early shift today.

Julian

*it went BLOODY well thanks for asking!!!!! Return date THIS Friday night!!! I'm going to get her leathered!!!! LOL!!!


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Julian,

OK, one things before we start so that we can get this sorted, Jane is actually called Jamie and is a bloke. He is captain of the 2nd Team and responsible for overseeing the development of the club and generally looks after the running of the club! On the other issue, Jamie told you about Simon who is actually the 1st team captain and male Club Captain. However, as he has recently moved he does not have the internet and is unable to access it at present and therefore I as vice captain thought it was a good idea to email you to let you know of the plans etc. I hope this makes a bit more sense and hopefully will clear up some of the confusion that surrounds this issue!

Right, on the training front, understand that you can’t train this week which is fair enough. Coming next Tuesday would be good so that we could see what you are like and see which team you would fit into rather then seeing how good we are as we already have our squads and sessions set up, although these are obviously subject to change. I would disagree with you on the front that it sends out the wrong impression of the club as there are very few sports clubs who would put an interested player straight into the first team without actually seeing what type of player they are! I apologise if this is not to your liking but that’s the club policy on this issue. Petrol money for training does not apply, all of our players come to training of their own free will and drive up on their own with no money given back to them.


I hope that this explains some more and isn’t seen as sarcasm and coldness as this is not the aim. **HC are a warm and open club to new members!

Sorry this is later then 2.30pm, I am at work and have been in a meeting.

Richard


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


You ledge!!!

Totally embarassed about Jane/Jamie. I was full on flirting with her/him!! DAMN!!!!!!! I am NOT gay LOL!!!!

See you in the bar on Saturday for a FULL de-brief! I hope to come and watch you guys IF no one needs me to fill in.

Woooo ooooooo - HOCKEY 'NAGE is UPON US ONCE MORE!!

(where are the beers?)

JM


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Well I am glad you are now happier, however I will not be there on Saturday as I will be away with the first team. As for beers, wouldn’t be so sure on where they are.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


I know dude - I'm coming to Cardiff to watch!!! ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys keen on a FEW beers AFTER the game in Cardiff. Full of slags!!!

Let me know big guy (EITHER WAY). This is like being back on the SHIPS!!

JM


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Oh right, long way to come to watch a game of hockey! How exactly are you getting to Cardiff? Pretty sure there won’t be anybody who will be staying over in Cardiff as everyone will want to get back to London etc.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Subject: RE: Hockey


Um... was kinda hoping for a lift!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deal me in. I THINK I'll wear my Argyle shirt (METEOR, 2) as I have not YET got my **HC shirt and this SEEMS like the next best thing. I am PRETTY sure I can convince a FEW of you lot to have a night out in Cardiff. No need to book anywhere FROM WHAT I HAVE HEARD!!! ROFL!!

Let me know the meet time/place.

JM

From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


One problem is that we have a limited amount of space due to kit and people we have to take so I am unsure if there will be room. My suggestion for this week would be to watch the 2nd team play at home on Saturday and then see what that standard is like. Unfortunately I think you are wrong on the staying over front as we will definitely be coming straight back.


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
To: Richard Thompson
Cc: spencerfairbrother@live.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


No disrespect to the second team, but I would prefer to watch LEAGUE hockey.
PLUS I need to get out on a road trip - got myself a BIT of a reputation with the ladies in this town rofl!!!!!

Add me to the 1st team loop and we can sort out the logistics.
I just phoned my mate (in cc) and he MAY be willing to drive his minibus up there if we ask nicely!!!! lol

Let me know; either way,

Julian


From: Richard Thompson
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Hockey


Hi Julian,


I am afraid that I can not accept the offer of the mini bus to take the team to Cardiff and then stay over. I admire you for your effort to find ways to get up there yet the team will be travelling up together. As for arranging things without actually being in the team this is not something that can happen as I am not responsible for giving the go ahead for things like this and as you don’t actually know or have met any of the people involved I do not feel that this is appropriate for our team. As you will find if you attend training, our club does not appear to fit in with your outgoing personality re. staying out over night in cardiff and therefore I am going to request that you please do not come to the game on Saturday. As I have said, training is the time and place to meet the squad and then get to know them and not via email. I apologise if you find this not to your liking but this is the decision made. There are many other hockey clubs in London which may suit you more then our club appears to.

Please do not make any more arrangements in terms of transport to Cardiff for Saturday, we have our own ways of getting there and back.

Thank you for your interest.

Richard


RE: Hockey‏
From: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)
To: Richard Thompson

Sticktease

:(

23 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

The only reason he wants you to come to training is so he can ram a hockey ball up your arse.

Anonymous said...

You happy now, dickhead?

Happy now you've wasted so much of their time?
Loklk how helpful they were trying to be to you, probably giving up their own time to run their Hockey Club, & look what a moron you were.

TWAT

Julian Meteor said...

WTF??? I TRIED to help them.
Even offered to drive them to an away game.
There is NO pleasing some people.

Anonymous said...

Gorilla Bananas, I'd follow that hockey ball with a hockey stick too.

Burt Lancaster said...

You should have a hockey stick rammed up your arse.

Gerrard said...

I like the fact you wasted Annonymous' time getting him to read it. Double time wasting genius.

Anonymous said...

Can't believe you're not in the 1st team this weekend after all the effort you put in. That team must be a bit of a joke. Still up for Cardif though??!!

Anonymous said...

I like the way all the "Anonymous" comments seem to come together to be one Julian-hating amalgam...

Anonymous said...

Any news?

Anonymous said...

We can always hope that's he's given up...

Anonymous said...

Perhaps he's down with the Plymouth Hoes!

Let us know; either way.

Anonymous said...

...nearly 2 weeks & still not a peep.

hmmmm

jonathan cheek said...

F*** the lot of you!

Anonymous said...

Lovely.

Nice to see the internet's brand of justice working well here...

Keith said...

Aw, come back Julian. Don't let people put you off, I still like you and I miss your posts.

I know we rib you and pull your leg, but it's just fun really.

Are you coming back or not?

Anonymous said...

Second that - this site always made me laugh. More please!

Anonymous said...

Lazy Bastard

Anonymous said...

Stop sulking, wanker!

Anonymous said...

shouldn't that be "stop wanking, sulker"?

Anonymous said...

If this goes on much longer I may stop coming back!

Laffers said...

I saw Julian in the Montague Pike, Leicester Square, with Hugo Chapman last week. I think Chappers is putting some money towards JW's band.

DAVE BONES said...

So did you make the team?

Julian Meteor said...

I am back. Sorry, I froze myself accidentally. LOL