Friday, 12 December 2008

London - AAAAAAAHHHHHH


I am VERY nervous about my move to the BIG smoke (that's what THEY call it lol).
I am TRYING to think of ways to back out but Nan is not having ANY of them.
I am SO scared!!! rofl
SO many questions keep running round my head abut the place:
Do I HAVE to carry a knife like everyone else?
How will I be able to text my honeys when I am on the London Underground?
How will I keep track of the Argyle results?
Do they have bands in London APART from the BIG ones?
What if EVERYONE is gay? How will I schnaffle up honeys?
What about getting a job???
WHAT if I can't get one?

I HAVE come up with ONE idea.
(Bare WITH me on this)

I take up drugs. Go HEAVY lol.
I have never DONE drugs but for THIS scheme I am willing to try.
I find a heroin dealer. Buy some heroin. Eat it. Get MASSIVELY addicted.
(and high lol. Whatever THAT feels like). Then, (a BIT like Kate Moss, Pete Doherty or the LESS famous ones) I develop a £10,000 a week habit. As is ALWAYS the case I will get DESPERATE for my next hit (I've seen the films), then due to my lack of job I will be FORCED to turn to crime to feed the addiction. If I prove to be GOOD at crime (I will assess this over a four week period), I will then INSTANTLY give up the drugs.
Four weeks LATER, by MY calculations, I SHOULD have £40,000.
TAX FREE!!!!!!

LATWTTB!!!!!!!!!!!
(laughing all the way to the bank)


Probably just as well I have found this money solution!!!
I found out that my CV is NOT as polished as I THOUGHT! lol
It MAY explain my WELL-publicised job woes.
Message to readers (a VERY valuable one during the credit crunch):

CHECK your CV

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
To: Michelle Cowell
Subject: CV


Hi Michelle,

I am ABOUT to move to London and I am KEEN to embark on a career in media. Are you the right person to send a cv to?

A quick answer would be VERY much appreciated,

Thanks,

J


Subject: RE: CV
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
From: Michelle@gorillarecruitment.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk


yes...is that quick enough?

Michelle Cowell
Director

Tel: 020 7*** ****

www.gorillarecruitment.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
To: Michelle Cowell
Subject: RE: CV


LOL!!!!!! As fast as Ben Johnson on drugs!!!!! (NB I do NOT do drugs!!!!)

So, what do I need to do?

ANOTHER quick response pls,

J


Subject: RE: CV
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
From: Michelle@gorillarecruitment.co.uk
To: julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk


CV please!

Michelle Cowell
Director
Tel: 020 **** ****


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
To: Michelle Cowell
Subject: RE: CV


Demanding!!!!!

See attached,

What you got for me??????????/

Let me know; either way,

J


RE: CV‏
From: Michelle Cowell (Michelle@gorillarecruitment.co.uk)
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
To: Julian Meteor (julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk)

According to your CV you're not even born yet and your spelling needs some attention.

Sorry I don't think we are able to help but good luck in your search.

Regards
Michelle


Michelle Cowell
Director
Tel: 020 **** ****

www.gorillarecruitment.co.uk


From: Julian Meteor [mailto:julianmeteor2@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: Thu 11-Dec-08
To: Michelle Cowell
Subject: RE: CV


GOOD. I don't NEED a job cos Nan has given me LOADS of money, she has just asked for PROOF that I'm applying for jobs.

You pick me up on MY spelling? You can't even spell you OWN surname.

I couldn't care LESS what YOU think. You are NOTHING to me. From NOW, you will never have ANY significance to me.

YOU WILL REGRET THIS. I will PROVE that to you.

Julian Meteor is going to be a BIG PLAYER in London, lady.

JUST YOU WATCH ;either way,

Julian

*******************************************************************
Please note: I didn't actually SEND this last email. I drafted it, but TOTALLY
bottled sending it IN CASE London is like Plymouth and everyone knows each other.
It's ALL about networking. lol

4 comments:

eratcliffe said...

Jules your cv says you worked for "night owl promotions"... explain !

Julian Meteor said...

Stockholm Syndrome

eratcliffe said...

aaaaaaaaaaahh! my apologies, never knew you'd been to SWEDEN. must be my split personalities.

Christopher Biggins said...

you'll SIMPLY LOVE the London, dear